


Fear & Loathing

by DestielWS



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accidental wetting, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Domestic, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Birthday Sex, Bottom Dean, Cas Pissing, Dean Pissing, Dean's Birthday, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Forced Wetting, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mail Carrier Castiel, Mailman Castiel, Omorashi, Top Castiel, Wetting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 20:45:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9459812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielWS/pseuds/DestielWS
Summary: Cas is Dean's mailman and today is Dean's birthday. With a surplus of packages, Castiel comes by after work with a surprise package of his own for Dean. After discussing it, Cas agrees to wet himself for Dean but ended up being in for more than he expected when he finds out Dean meant he wanted him to have a genuine accident.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Oh look a totally non-cliché birthday sex fic that has a title based off a song by a mainstream artist. I'm very original y'all. 
> 
> I know that this is technically a few hours past Dean's birthday, but I worked for two days straight and kept myself awake for many hours tonight so I could get this written. APPRECIATE IT YALL OKAY IM SICK I NEED SLEEP

“Who is it!?” Dean yelled in annoyance, going to the door. 

 

“That’s no way to respond to your boyfriend,” Cas said, staring at him. 

 

“Sorry,” Dean chuckled.

 

“Someone must have a birthday today because of all these packages,” Cas stated, raising the boxes in his arms a little. “Which, if you don’t mind taking, please do. They’re quite heavy.” 

 

Dean took the boxes out of Cas’s arms and grunted loudly. “Christ, what is in these? Bricks?” 

 

“I don’t know. I just deliver them,” Cas answered. 

 

Dean sighed and rolled his eyes. 

 

“There’s one more,” Cas stated, stepping out of the way and revealing a tall, skinny box behind him. 

 

“Holy shit,” Dean breathed, going up to it. “Help me get this in here.” 

 

Cas tipped it over so Dean could grab the top end and then crouched down to pick it up from the bottom. Dean looked over his shoulder watching the step into the house as they walked it in. 

 

“Wait. The address says “Dean Winchester from Cas”….” Dean muttered. “What the hell did you send me?” 

 

“I don’t know. I just deliver them,” Cas replied in a very snarky tone. 

 

“You just like being difficult,” Dean stated. 

 

“I don’t like ruining surprises,” Cas clarified, stepping back out onto the patio and pulling an electronic pad from his belt. “Sign here.” 

 

Dean quickly scribbled his signature with the pen and Cas hit a few buttons before putting it back into his pocket. 

 

“So are you gonna open it with me then?” Dean asked. 

 

“I don’t have the time for that today, Dean,” Cas said stepping forward and running his hands down Dean’s chest. 

 

“Why not?” Dean pouted, going in to kiss him. 

 

“Because the sooner I get off work today, the sooner I get to come over here and give you your real present,” Cas replied. 

 

“What’s my real present?” Dean gasped. 

 

“I’m not telling,” Cas stated, kissing him again before backing away. “See you in the afternoon, love.” 

 

“Love?” Dean scoffed. “Since when do you call people love?” 

 

“Well, that’s what you call people when you love them, isn’t it?” Cas asked. 

 

“You don’t use pet names. It’s weird,” Dean said. 

 

“Fine. Then I’ll just say ‘I love you.’,” Cas stated. 

 

“That sounds more like you,” Dean replied. 

 

Cas stared at him for a moment before groaning and walking backwards. “Seriously? How many months we’ve been together and you won’t say it back?” 

 

“Eight,” Dean mused. 

 

“Why do you hate telling people you love them so much?” Cas scoffed. “Because I know you do, you just don’t want to say it.” 

 

“Well if you already know, then what’s the point?” Dean asked. 

 

“It’s nice to hear,” Cas stated. 

 

“Yeah well it’s also nice to hear someone say they want to suck your dick and expect nothing in return bu– Cas, the bricks!” Dean yelled, running up and grabbing him as he stumbled backwards off the bricks. 

 

Cas landed into the grass, pulling Dean on top of him, making a loud noise of pain. 

 

“I could have done without the extra two-hundred pounds of weight, you know,” he grumbled, shoving Dean off him. 

 

“Sorry,” Dean winced, standing up. “You made a nice cushion though.” 

 

“Fuck you,” Cas groaned, taking Dean’s hand and pulling himself up. 

 

“Fuck you, too,” Dean smiled. “I say that back, see?” 

 

“See you this evening, Dean.” Cas took a deep sigh and stretched upwards, making his back pop. “God, I’m gonna hate getting the grass stains out of these.”

* * *

 

A few minutes before six, Cas showed up at Dean’s house, a small priority box in his hands. 

 

“What’d you bring me?” Dean asked. 

 

“I want to know what your other presents were first. What was so heavy?” Cas replied. 

 

“Oh my God!” Dean groaned. “It was literally bricks!” 

 

“What do you mean?” Cas scoffed. 

 

“I mean everyone in my family got together and mailed me fucking bricks,” Dean stated. 

 

“Just bricks?” Cas asked. 

 

“No, there was a gift card taped to one of them, but they sent me literal bricks to throw me off!” Dean exclaimed. 

 

“Did you open my package?” Cas continued, walking into the kitchen area. 

 

“No, I wanted to wait for you to get here so I could,” Dean said. 

 

“Even better,” Cas mused, Dean dropping to his knees and whipping out his pocket knife. 

 

“Come here, help me open it,”

 

“No, I think I’ll just watch,” Cas stated. 

 

Dean groaned and began cutting open the box where flaps had been taped down. After a minute of cutting, all the flaps were loosened up and he pulled the box open. 

 

“You didn't!” Dean laughed, throwing a bag out of it. “You did not!”

 

“I did,” Cas said. 

 

Dean grabbed the bag he threw out and opened it up, grabbing a handful of dick-shaped gummies and shoving them into his mouth. “These are so good!” 

 

“You mentioned. Which is why I bought you a hundred pounds of them,” Cas replied. 

 

“God!” Dean groaned, eating a few more. “You’re the best boyfriend ever!” 

 

“And you still won’t tell me you love me,” Cas sighed, giving him a judgmental look. 

 

“Oh stop.” Dean scoffed, throwing handful of gummies at him, “Eat a dick.” 

 

“Now come open your real gift,” Cas ordered, tapping the side of the box with one hand. 

 

“Okay, okay, fine,” Dean drawled, closing up the bag of gummies and setting it into the big box. 

 

“I mean, if you don’t want another present, that’s up to you,” Cas said. 

 

“No!” Dean exclaimed, getting off the floor and running over. “Gimme.” 

 

“Just open it,” Cas ordered, holding onto it with his hands. “It’s not sealed or anything.” 

 

Dean grabbed the flaps on top and bent them backwards and then just stared down into the box. “You are kidding me.” 

 

“I tried to do something atypical that you wouldn’t expect,” Cas stated. 

 

“You literally stuck your cock in a priority mail box,” Dean replied, giggling into Cas’s neck and kissing his cheek. “You are such a fucking idiot. Dick in a box? Really?” 

 

“Hey, it’s the best gift you’ll get your whole life. Until next year of course,” Cas said.

 

“You’re not the first person to give me birthday sex, Cas,” Dean stated, pulling the box off and shoving Cas back into his pants. “Don’t flatter yourself.” 

 

“But it’s going to be very special birthday sex,” Cas purred, letting Dean push him back against the counter. 

 

“Everything you do is very special. That’s why I l–” Dean caught himself and cut off his sentence. “–like you.” 

 

“You want to know why it’s going to be very special birthday sex though?” Cas asked. 

 

“Why?” Dean replied.

 

“Because I’ll do anything you want. Anything,” Cas stated. “You name it.” 

 

“What do you mean?” Dean replied. 

 

“You mentioned you were kinda into ‘weird shit’, in your words at some points,” Cas said. “But you never ask about doing anything different. It’s always me.” 

 

“And you’re giving me a free pass to do whatever?” Dean asked. 

 

Cas nodded. “What’s the one thing you want to do the most to me?” 

 

“I don’t know. I need to think about this,” Dean muttered, stepping away from him. “Hold on. Wait here.” 

 

“Wait here?” Cas scoffed. “What kind of boyfriend are you?” 

 

“The confused kind,” Dean replied, turning to exit the kitchen.

 

After a few minutes, Dean came back, a bit flushed and judging by his pants, fairly aroused. 

 

“Did you just go watch porn?” Cas asked. 

 

“I had to figure out what I liked the most, but in the spectre of you doing it,” Dean explained. 

 

“You are a terrible boyfriend. You kiss me and then leave to go watch some physically perfect guy instead,” Cas whined. 

 

“Oh come on,” Dean groaned. “That’s not what I was doing. You don’t do porn - so how could I watch a physically perfect guy?” 

 

Cas sighed and looked at him. “Okay, for that I forgive you.” 

 

“Are you sure you have no limits?” Dean asked. 

 

“Well, I mean, use common sense,” Cas replied. 

 

“What do you define common sense…” 

 

“Oh God, you have to ask?” Cas groaned.

 

“Kinda, yeah,” Dean said. 

 

“I’m not gonna eat shit or drink blood, or do anything that involves either of us getting hurt,” Cas stated. “And if you have some secret kink for UPS or FedEx, you can just leave.” 

 

“Don’t worry, I’m not biased against USPS,” Dean snickered, leaning into Cas. “Are you sure there’s nothing that you really don’t want to do?” 

 

“I’d rather not drink breast milk, but that’s a non-issue I think,” Cas continued. “I mean there’s nothing I really would refuse. Feet aren’t my thing, but if that’s what it is, I’ll do it.” 

 

“You sure?” Dean prodded. 

 

“Yes!” Cas argued. “Unless you’re thinking of something weird and obscure that isn’t even a real thing.” 

 

“Alright. You really want to know what I want for my birthday?” Dean asked. 

 

“Well yes, that’s what I asked,” Cas stated. 

 

“I want…” Dean began, looking down and away from Cas’s gaze. “I want you to wet yourself.” 

 

“What?!” Cas burst out laughing and shoved Dean off him. “No, really?” 

 

“Really,” Dean whispered. 

 

“Shit, are you serious?” Cas hissed. 

 

Dean nodded slowly.

 

“Sorry,” Cas sighed. “But why?” 

 

“Why? Why would I know why?” Dean asked. “I don’t try to find reason behind the things _you’re_ into.” 

 

“I like getting tied up and spanked. I don’t like watching people pee themselves,” Cas stated. 

 

“Are you really sure that I’m the weird one?” Dean snorted. 

 

“We’re both the weird ones,” Cas said. 

 

“So, you’ll do it?” Dean asked. 

 

“It’s weird and I don’t want to, but of course I’ll do it. I want you to have a good birthday,” Cas replied, giving him a subtle smile and kissing him. 

 

“Well, if you don’t want to, you’ve made my day good enough. We can have totally normal birthday sex and I’d be just as happy,” Dean said. 

 

“I’ll do it, Dean. It’s not like I have a major objection to it,” Cas replied. “I wet the bed until I was eight. I don’t quite understand why anyone would find it arousing.” 

 

“Things are different when you’re with someone you trust,” Dean stated. “I mean hey, if a police officer handcuffed and started spanking you you’d probably be really terrified, but when I do it, you shoot all over the bed,” 

 

“Yeah but that’s a different context–“

 

“And so is having an actual humiliating accident and embarrassing yourself in front of your friends and your family, and doing it where you know you’re nice and safe and loved,” Dean explained.

 

“I see your point, but I think that the experience itself would be too similar to find much of a different in context. It’s one thing when a strange man with a gun is slapping your ass and and another when it’s someone who you see everyday to deliver his mail,” Cas argued. 

 

“You know, we could just do it and find out,” Dean suggested.

 

“Alright, but I’m not doing this in my clothes. I would like to not smell like a port-a-potty when I go home tomorrow,” Cas said. 

 

“That’s alright, I’m not picky,” Dean said, his voice ringing with giddiness. “I didn’t think you’d agree to this at all.” 

 

“Me neither,” Cas mumbled, undoing his jeans. “Where do you want me? Here? The shower? What?”

 

“What just like that?” Dean frowned.

 

“What do you mean?” Cas asked. 

 

“I didn’t mean just do it and get it over with. I want _you_ to feel something,” Dean stated. 

 

“I will,” Cas said. “Wet. And dirty.” 

 

“That’s not what I mean. I didn’t want it to be just something to just get over with and be done with. Where’s the experience?” Dean replied. 

 

Cas sighed and let his jeans hang loosely around his hips. “Just tell me what you want me to do, Dean.” 

 

“Get your clothes off and go get on the bed,” Dean said. 

 

“The bed?” Cas scoffed. “That will be a disaster to clean up!” 

 

“And that’s my problem, not yours,” Dean argued. “I’ll get the water.” 

 

“I already drank today,” Cas said. “You don’t need to worry about making me need to go. I came straight here from work basically.” 

 

“I think we’re having a slight miscommunication here.” Dean laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck.

 

“What do you mean?” Cas asked. 

 

“When I said I wanted you to wet yourself, I meant for real. Not on purpose,” Dean stated. 

 

“So you want me to have an actual accident? But an actual accident on purpose?” Cas replied. 

 

“Yeah,” Dean said. “You know, if that makes sense.” 

 

“I’m in for a wild time tonight, aren’t I?” Cas huffed, pushing his jeans off. “See you in the bedroom.” 

 

“So, you have no objection to the fact I want to essentially force feed you a bunch of water to the point you piss all over yourself while naked in my bed?” Dean asked. 

 

Cas gave a short whistle. “That’s an interesting way to put it, but no. Because I love you, and you’ve done enough weird shit for me. I can do some weird shit for you.” 

 

“Alright, be right in,” Dean said, going for the cabinets. 

 

Cas went into the bedroom and undressed the rest of the way, then noticed Dean’s laptop was still sitting open, a video pulled up on it. Cas got in the bed and took the laptop with him, hitting the play button. 

 

A video started off in a classroom setting. A group of students were staring at papers on their desk. The camera focused on one obviously porn star student who kept taking sips of water as a clock overlay passed on the screen. The classwork was put away and the teacher began doing a basic math lesson. The camera re-focused on the student who had been drinking, focusing on his thighs pressed together, his squirming, amplifying his whimpers and whines. The camera zoomed in to his crotch as a dark wet spot started spreading through his pants. A teacher called his name and he got up from his desk, immediately flooding the rest of his pants, and standing in a puddle in the middle of the classroom, everyone laughing at him. Another clock overlay appeared and the video cut to the students leaving class. The teacher asked him to stay and then began grabbing him through his wet jeans and coming onto him. From there–

 

“Oh shit,” Dean groaned. 

 

“This is what you want to see me do?” Cas asked. 

 

Dean slowly nodded. 

 

“That was…kinda hot. I can see why a little bit,” Cas stated.

 

“Really?” Dean scoffed. 

 

“I mean, I still don’t see that much appeal, but we’ll see,” Cas said, closing the laptop and handing it back to Dean. Dean set a tray of water glasses on the bedside stand by his alarm and began undressing. 

 

Cas picked up one of the waters and took a sip. “Your tap water tastes better than mine.” 

 

“Mine’s filtered,” Dean stated. 

 

“ _You_ of all people filter your water?” Cas asked. “I would have never imagined.” 

 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Dean laughed. 

 

“The man”" afraid of the words “I love you” doesn’t strike me as someone who has their life together enough to have a Brita,” Cas remarked. 

 

“It’s a PUR for the record, not a Brita,” Dean argued.

 

“You know what I’m getting at,” Cas sighed. 

 

“I do.” Dean pulled his shirt over his head and then got on the bed, instantly grabbing Cas’s face and kissing him.

 

“I’m so glad I get to see you today,” Cas whispered, pulling back for air. 

 

“You see me every business day,” Dean replied. 

 

“Yeah but I don’t get to actually _be_ with you,” Cas stated.

 

“i mean, we can start having more quickies if you want,” Dean said. 

 

“No, no!” Cas groaned. “I don’t mean it’s nice to have sex. I mean it’s nice to just be with you and spend time and talk to you and get to touch you. Being with you makes me happy.”

 

“Even in the condition that I’m about to make you pee yourself?” Dean asked. 

 

“Especially in that condition. Exploring new things is great, even if they don’t seem appealing at first,” Cas replied. 

 

“In that case, how about you drink the rest of that glass then?” Dean purred, grabbing the cup of water Cas had taken a sip out of. 

 

“All of it? At once?” 

 

“Yeah.” Dean nodded. 

 

“I’m not even thirsty,” Cas grumbled, sitting up and raising it to his lips, then forcing himself to drink it. 

 

“Can you do another?” Dean asked. 

 

“In a row?”

 

“I mean, can you?” Dean repeated. 

 

Cas snatched a glass off the counter and drank half of it before taking it away from his mouth. “I can’t believe I agreed to this. Why did I agree to this?” 

 

“That’s not a question I can answer,” Dean said, pushing the cup of water upwards again. Cas pushed to finish the rest of it and then set the empty glass on the floor by the bed. 

 

Dean laid on top of Cas and Cas groaned. 

 

“I already had to pee going into this, Dean. Don’t lay on me like that,” Cas whined. 

 

Dean rolled over, and pulled Cas to lay on top of him instead. “Better?” 

 

“Mhm.” Cas nodded and let Dean pepper his cheek and neck in kisses. “How long is this supposed to take?”

 

“Don’t know. Why?” Dean asked. 

 

Cas blinked at him unsure of what to say. 

 

“Nervous?” 

 

“Yeah. I think so.” Cas replied. 

 

“Don’t be. I’m here with you,” Dean said, holding Cas’s face with his hand. “Come on, do another glass.” 

 

“Oh, good God,” Cas grimaced, sitting up and taking a glass off the end table. He drank it down swiftly, dribbling some down his chin. Dean smiled at him and wiped it off with his finger. 

 

“You’ve done this, right?” Cas asked. 

 

“Yeah,” Dean answered. “I have.” 

 

“How long?” 

 

“How long does it take?” Dean replied. 

 

“No.” Cas shook his head. “How long have you been into this?” 

 

“I don’t really know. Not that long. A few months maybe?” Dean said. 

 

“So, my own boyfriend has starting peeing himself when I wasn’t looking and I had no clue,” Cas stated. 

 

“One time, I did it when you were here,” Dean whispered. 

 

“Really?” Cas scoffed. “How did you pull that off?” 

 

“We were binging Sherlock together and we’d been drinking beer and I didn’t want to make you stop the show on account of me. And I didn’t think I was going to make it, but finally you paused after an episode to go use the bathroom and I said I was going use the one in my bedroom, but it just hit me. This thought saying ‘ _do it_ ’. So I did. I stopped fighting it, but I didn’t quite make it to my bathroom and had to scrub the carpet after you left. And then I just changed into flannel pajamas and you were none the wiser,” Dean explained. 

 

“That was sneaky,” Cas said. 

 

“Wasn’t it?” Dean grinned, reaching up and kissing him. “Doesn’t that make this all seem more enticing?” 

 

“No. Still no. It’s pretty hard to make peeing one’s self sound sexy,” Cas argued. 

 

“I think you’ll change your mind,” Dean replied. 

 

“And I don’t think I will. And I know me better than you know me,” Cas stated. 

 

“We’ll see,” Dean sang. 

 

“I hope you know how much I love you to be doing this,” Cas said. 

 

“I am very aware of how lucky I am,” Dean replied, grabbing a fourth glass and awing it in front of Cas’s face. 

 

“Dean, after this, I don’t think I can drink anymore. I had a big dinner - there’s not much room left in there for water.” Cas moaned, raising the glass and drinking its contents. 

 

“Supposedly, large amounts of water go through you faster than small ones do,” Dean stated. 

 

“I am also growing extremely aroused by fooling around naked with you but also becoming incredibly impatient,” Cas added. “I want to have sex with you, dammit.” 

 

“Soon. You want to mess with my ass, make sure it’s ready?” Dean asked. 

 

“Your ass is always ready for me. You told me you always make sure you are so I’m down for a quickie,” Cas replied. 

 

“Did I ever show you my buttplug collection?” 

 

“You have a buttplug collection? Where?” Cas demanded. 

 

Dean laughed and sprung off the bed. He went over to his dresser and pulled a small wooden box out of a drawer. He brought it over to Cas and opened it up, revealing an assortment of buttplugs in all shapes, sizes, and vibration abilities. 

 

“I love you more than before now,” Cas stated. “Do you have anymore collections?” 

 

“Not physical ones, but there’s a long list of things I’d like to buy,” Dean answered. 

 

“You’ll have to let me in on that list,” Cas smiled. 

 

“Let’s see how tonight goes first before I drag you into my weirdness,” Dean said. 

 

“I probably own half the stuff you want,” Cas replied. 

 

“Oh, man. You’re right!” Dean laughed, closing the case of buttplugs and heading back over towards the dresser. 

 

Dean put the plugs away and laid with Cas, kissing him and caressing him for about another twenty minutes before realizing Cas wasn’t doing as great as before. 

 

“How do you feel?” Dean asked. 

 

“Like someone wants to fire a rocket out my dick,” Cas groaned, crossing his legs. 

 

“The water’s making itself known then?” Dean hummed, kissing Cas’s neck. 

 

“I feel so full, Dean. I didn’t think I could hold this much in here,” Cas stated. 

 

“I know. It just gets more intense,” Dean said, dragging his hands down Cas’s chest and then putting a small amount of pressure over his stomach. Cas whined and contorted beneath him. 

 

“Dean, stop,” Cas whined. “That’s too much. I can’t take that.” 

 

“Cas, it’s okay. You’re with me, remember? You love me. I’m here to keep you sane,” Dean said. 

 

“I know I’m with you, but this is so difficult. It’s like all of that water is just pouring into me now,” Cas whimpered, sitting all the way up with his back against the headboard of the bed. 

 

“Look at you though,” Dean breathed, smiling at him. “You’re all flushed and worked up and the noises coming out of your mouth are heaven.” 

 

“They don’t feel like heaven,” Cas stated. 

 

“Your cheeks are all rosy and your forehead is sweating a little. You’re very pretty,” Dean said. 

 

“I always wanted to grow up to be pretty when I piss myself,” Cas sneered, letting out a loud wine and squeezing his legs together at tight as he could. 

 

Dean took a glass of water and dribbled it down Cas’s chest. 

 

“D–Dean, no!” Cas cried, knowing the shock of the water hitting his chest made him leak onto the bed. The first time since he was a little kid, he was starting to lose control. 

 

“Cas?” Dean looked at him expectantly. 

 

“Don’t let me stop you,” Cas said. “I’m going to see this through.” 

 

“Okay,” Dean replied, crawling backwards on the bed. 

 

“What are you doing?” Cas asked, craning to see him, but then snapping himself back at the pressure it put on his bladder to lean. 

 

“You have to open your legs, Cas,” Dean said, ignoring his question. 

 

“N–No, I can’t. I’m losing it, Dean. I can’t control it with my legs open!” Cas protested. 

 

“I can’t see anything with your legs shut,” Dean stated. “And all of this would be for nothing.” 

 

Dean put his hands on Cas’s knees and began slowly pushing his legs apart. Cas let out a series of high pitched whimpers as his last resort was being removed. He immediately grabbed t himself, trying to prevent any pee from escaping his body, but Dean hit his hands. 

 

“Hands away, Castiel,” he ordered. “I want to see you all splayed out.” 

 

Cas reluctantly pulled his hands up to his chest and began dribbling onto the bed. It was just a faint stream getting through, but Dean could see it. The head of Cas’s cock was resting directly against the sheets and a yellow spot was slowly growing. Dean was glad he had white sheets on so he could see everything. He could see the small areas where Cas had already started losing control before. 

 

“Dean, this doesn’t feel like you said it would,” Cas whimpered, his voice grainy and tense. 

 

Dean moved back up on the bed and took Cas’s face in both his hands. “Because you’re not there yet. You’re still fighting it.” 

 

“Obviously I’m not because I can feel it leaving me!” Cas argued. 

 

“That’s not what I mean. Get rid of the shame you have about it right now,” Dean said. 

 

“I can’t just get rid of shame. It’s been ingrained in me my whole life that wetting yourself was shameful and weak and–” Cas began. 

 

“Well fuck everything that’s been ingrained in you your whole life. You’re beautiful right now. You’re amazing. You’re the best damn boyfriend I ever had,” Dean stated.

 

“How do I know those aren’t just words - that on the inside you're not thinking about how stupid and weak I am?” 

 

“You want me to prove it to you that it’s nothing shameful to me? You want me to show you that I think you should embrace it?” Dean asked. 

 

“How?” Cas whimpered, moving his legs to try and ease discomfort. His dick rolled over and he was able to see the yellow spot he’d left and he gasped and looked up at Dean. “I’m making a mess, oh God, I’m sorry.” 

 

Dean climbed around Cas and stood next to him beside the bed. 

 

“You want to see how shameful I think it is?” Dean asked. 

 

Cas looked up at him but then flicked his eyes downwards and choked to see Dean stand there and relieve himself without even thinking about it. It ran off the head of his cock and left shimmery trails down his thighs and his calves and just pooled and soaked into the carpet and Cas just stared, mouth open. 

 

“See, I don’t care,” Dean stated. “Make a mess. But don’t be ashamed, don’t be scared, and don’t feel weak or stupid,” 

 

Cas looked like he’d calmed down a little, but that might have just been shock from watching his boyfriend piss on the floor a few inches from him. Dean got back on the bed and settled in between Cas’s legs bending over and kissing him. 

 

“Think I’m lying still?” Dean asked. 

 

“No,” Cas whispered shakily. 

 

Dean placed his hands on Cas’s inner thighs and gently rubbed them, urging Cas to relax. “You don’t need to fight it, Cas. I’m here. Lose control.” 

 

Dean began gently tapping his fingers around where Cas’s bladder would be, urging him to give in to the reflexes. “Cas, come on.” 

 

Cas could feel whatever Dean was doing make him leak faster, but instead of crying out, he just looked at him. Dean reached out and grabbed his face and he smiled, letting out a breath of relief in lieu of despair. 

 

And then Cas stopped fighting it. He laid his legs all the way down and just let the piss spill out of him, drenching the sheets beneath him, but Dean didn’t care and he believed in Dean. So he wouldn’t care. 

 

Dean’s weight created a dip in the bed and all of it began pooling around Dean’s knees. Cas just moaned in relief and bliss and Dean reached up to kiss him. Cas sloppily kissed him back, wrapping his arms around Dean and holding him. 

 

“Was I right?” Dean growled, grabbing his upper lip with his teeth. 

 

“Yes,” Cas whimpered. “Yes!” 

 

“You want me to fuck you now?” Dean asked. 

 

“Do you have to ask?” Cas moaned, rutting his now hard dick against Dean’s thigh. 

 

“Manners and all that,” Dean chuckled, reaching over Cas to the nightstand with the water on it and grabbing a bottle of lube off it. 

 

“Just fuck me, Dean,” Cas begged. “Now!” 

 

“Say no more,” Dean muttered, squeezing lube onto his hand and then rubbing it onto Cas’s cock, still dribbling pee all over himself. 

 

“This is going to be the messiest sex I ever had,” Cas said, Dean straddling his hips and trying to situate himself properly. 

 

“For some reason, I feel like that’s not completely true,” Dean mumbled, reaching behind himself to try and help. “Oh!” he cried out as everything slid where it should. 

 

Cas snickered at him and Dean leaned down to kiss him before sitting back up and rocking his hips, moving up and down on Cas’s cock, making the bedsprings squeak into the room. 

 

Dean rode Cas all the way until he came, even though Dean came a ways before. But Cas deserved it, so he kept going. 

* * *

Cas woke up to Dean accidentally hitting him in the face while reaching over him. 

 

“Morning, sunshine,” Dean whispered, kissing his head. “Sorry.”

 

“It’s okay. I can’t get too used to sleeping in anyways,” Cas replied with a yawn. 

 

“What’s your final verdict?” Dean asked. 

 

“Oh what?” 

 

“Last night,” Dean said. 

 

“By the end, I’d call it overwhelmingly positive,” Cas stated. “I hope you had an amazing birthday.” 

 

“I did,” Dean hummed, smiling and kissing him gently on the lips. 

 

“I love you,” Cas whispered, kissing him back and then holding his face in Dean’s neck for a moment. 

 

“So, I was right?” Dean taunted. 

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Cas scoffed. 

 

“What?” Dean gasped, pulling away from him. 

 

“Everything I put myself through last night and everything I did, jumping in feet first to something that horrified me, and you still don’t think I’m worth saying ‘I love you’!” Cas exclaimed. “You are un-fucking-belieable, Dean!” 

 

“I don’t need to say it, Cas,” Dean stated. “You know it. And we both know you know it and that’s good enough for me.” 

 

“Well that’s not good enough for me,” Cas sighed. “I need to hear you say it. I’ve never once heard you directly say that you loved me.” 

 

“What the hell is your fixation on it all of a sudden?” Dean groaned. “Our relationship I’ve never said it and it was fine, but the last month you’ve been nagging me about it non-stop!” 

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize what a pain in the ass I was being by demanding that my boyfriend tell me he loves me just once!” Cas growled. 

 

“Why now?” Dean demanded. “You’ve had all this time, and now you’re upset about it.” 

 

“Because I want a husband and a family. I want to live in a house, not rent it. And I want to live there with the man I love and two kids and a Dalmatian we rescued from a shelter. I’m not getting any younger I can’t waste time on people that can’t offer that to me. And as much as I love you, Dean, how are you supposed to give me any of what I want if you're too afraid to even say that you love me? How do you think kids would feel about that? Kids need to be told they’re loved.” 

 

“So now you’ve already got our hypothetical kids turned against me. Nice.” Dean deadpanned, falling back on the bed and staring at the ceiling. “I don’t understand why it’s so important to you? Why do you care if I say it or not. It’s just words.” 

 

“If it’s just words, than just fucking say it!” Cas yelled, starting to break down. “Eight months ago I gave you a package and then threw up on your doorstep. You invited me in and gave me soup and Pepto Bismol and talked to me until I felt well enough to go home except once I felt well enough, I didn’t go home. Because I fucked you instead. And now I’m worried the last eight fucking months of my life have been all for god damn nothing!” 

 

“It has not been for nothing,” Dean stated, trying to reach out to him, but Cas just hit his hands away. “It hasn’t been for nothing, Cas.” 

 

“Oh of course not, because you got a good lay out of it,” Cas sneered. 

 

“You know that’s fucking bullshit!” Dean yelled. “You know that I care about you!” 

 

“Is it that hard to show it?” Cas scoffed. 

 

“Show it? You think I don’t show it? I do everything I can to let you know that I care!” Dean protested. “I can’t believe you right now!” 

 

“I can’t believe I’m still trying at a relationship with someone afraid of love!” Cas shot back, throwing the blankets off and getting out of bed. “Where are my clothes?” 

 

Cas spun around the room wildly and took a shaky breath as the tears fell down his face. “Where the fuck are my clothes, Dean?!” 

 

“They’re in the kitchen,” Dean said quietly. “That’s where you took them off.” 

 

Cas ran out of the room and Dean followed him, jumping out of bed and grabbing his bath robe on the way out of the room. 

 

“Cas,” Dean sighed, watching him choke himself up trying to get dressed. 

 

“Fuck off, Dean,” Cas scowled. “I’m done. I’m through. I can’t keep going like this.” 

 

“Cas, don’t say that,” Dean whimpered, grabbing his arm. 

 

“Let go of me!” Cas yelled, pushing him away and frantically trying to get his jeans back on as he headed towards the door. “Just leave me alone, Dean.” 

 

“No, you can’t just up and leave me!” Dean begged, grabbing onto him again. 

 

“Yes, I can!” Cas stated. “And that’s what I’m doing. So I will see you the next time you have to sign for a package. Goodbye, Dean,” 

 

Cas shut the door behind him and Dean punched the wall next to him. “Fuck!” He looked over at his hand and then cursed under his breath as he pulled his hand out of the drywall. “This is a fucking rental.” 

* * *

A week later, Dean showed up at Cas’s house, bundled up in jackets to keep him protected from the cold. He waited out front for a while before knocking on the door. 

 

Cas opened the door and then saw it was Dean, and then immediately went to close it. 

 

Dean grabbed the door and threw it back open. “I’m scared, okay?” 

 

Cas stared at him blankly. 

 

“Scared doesn’t cover it. I’m fucking mortified,” he continued. 

 

“I hear the boogeyman is bad this time of year,” Cas muttered. 

 

“I’m scared that if I say that I love you, that that will realize and canonize our relationship and then because the universe is a fucking bitch, five minutes later something will happen and we’ll break up and I”ll lose you. For good,” Dean explained. 

 

“That’s fucking stupid, Dean,” Cas stated. 

 

“I know it sounds stupid–”

 

“It doesn’t sound stupid. It is fucking stupid,” Cas interrupted. 

 

“Everyone I’ve ever loved, I’ve lost. My mom died, then my dad died, and my brother moved. The closest thing I’ve got to a dad now is paralyzed. The few people I’ve ever loved all left. Everyone I love leaves. And I’m scared if I love you that your’e gonna leave, too,” Dean continued.

 

“Then tell me you love me,” Cas said, grabbing his hands. “Tell me you love me and see that nothing is going to happen. The world is not going to end in five minutes. Neither of us is going to have an aneurism. Neither of us is going to run out on the other. Tell me you love me and prove everything else wrong.” 

 

“I–” Dean stared down at the concrete beneath him. “I punched a hole in my wall.” 

 

“Goodbye, Dean,” Cas whispered, going to close the door. 

 

“I love you!” Dean yelled, shoving it open again. “I love you.” 

 

“I love you, too,” Cas said, smiling at him. 

 

“I love you!” Dean shouted. “I love you so much!” I am so wildly in love with you, Castiel Novak that I don’t know what to do with myself!” 

 

Cas’s eyes began watering and he grabbed Dean and kissed him. “Thank you. And now I’m not going anywhere.” 

 

“I love you,” Dean panted, wiping Cas’s cheeks. “I love you for all the times I never said it back.” 

 

“Though you know,” Dean began pulling away from him. “I think we’re going to have to rethink the Dalmatian because I’m terrified of dogs.” 

 

Cas laughed and smiled at him. “I’ll budge on the kids, but we’re keeping the dog.” 

 

“Okay, one day we’ll get a Dalmatian,” Dean said, grabbing Cas and hugging him again. 

 

“Aren’t you renting that house?” Cas asked. 

 

“What?” Dean replied. 

 

“You said you punched a hole in the wall. Aren’t you renting?”

 

“Yeah,” Dean sighed. 

 

“You’re an idiot, Dean Winchester,” Cas giggled, pulling him inside and shutting the door. “You are a giant fucking idiot. And I love you.” 

 

“I love you, too.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I did have some ideas for some random smutty additions onto this universe though. Nothing long or plotty, just porn. Because porn. Let me know if you'd be interested in anymore in this universe.


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